Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
A relatable Millennial voice that hits close to home for anyone who regrets being a difficult teenager (…me). Well-written, moving, and poignant.
Crying in H Mart is Michelle Zauner’s memoir about the death of her mother – a depiction of both the physical decay of her mother’s cancer, and the emotional journey Zauner takes to come to terms with her loss. Along the way we are treated to some mouthwatering Korean meals.
Zauner was a rebellious teenager who sought to live a creative life, while her parents wanted her on a more pragmatic track. Her parents are keenly aware of their sacrifices, while Zauner takes for granted the comfortable world they created. We gave you everything, her parents ask, how dare you be so difficult? On the other hand, no sacrifice entitles a parent to rob their child of fundamental autonomy and individual identity – and herein lies the relatable tension.
The most heart-wrenching aspects of the book are about Zauner’s regrets. Part of being close to another is being privy to the ugliest parts of their character, and Zauner offers forthright descriptions of the nasty, hurtful moments. If you are lucky enough to still have your parents in your life, the book is a reminder that when the horrific happens and you lose them, you will wish there was more time to be a better version of yourself, to delete all the petty, selfish, cruel things we all do.
Zauner is the lead singer of the band Japanese Breakfast. Her success in the music industry flourished after her mother died, and she muses whether her mother might be assisting her from heaven.
I would offer another explanation - the death of her mother granted her a maturity that she was not able to achieve in her comfortable upbringing – it was a hardship that allowed her to grow, the type of difficult experience that can be the fertilizer for great art. It is a cruel fact of life that often only through trials and difficulties are we able to blossom into our full potential. Possibly with an assist from some friendly ghosts.